How to Find Joy in Grief: Part 1 – Embracing Light During Loss
While it may seem counterintuitive, it's possible to find joy amidst sorrow.
This summer, someone I absolutely adored and loved transitioned from this life.
The pain I have felt is huge. This is truly the closest person I’ve ever loss in my life up until this point in my life.
While waves of true sadness, true despair, and utter feelings of grief have made themselves known, I’ve also found some spots–or lessons– of finding joy in the grief as well. I hope this post can offer a sense of comfort of relating if you, too, are on a grief journey.
A Reminder on Joy and Pain
One of my very posts I wrote on this site was about the connection between joy and pain.
I feel like it’s so important to reiterate…
Joy and pain (or grief in this case) are not mutually exclusive.
In fact, when we are living a life filled with more joy, pain is inevitably going to be felt even more because we are more alive. We are more in alignment with life itself.
During the past few weeks of grief and doing hard things as the awesome Glennon Doyle talks about, I have started wondering more about finding joy in the pain that is grief--and what lessons can be found there.
Lesson #1: Faith and Perspective
I began reading (via a suggestion from episode #6 of the Heal with Kelly podcast), The Knowing by Saje Dyer and Serena Dyer Pisoni. The book begins with a look at their experience after their spiritual leader father, Dr. Wayne Dyer, had passed.
Sharing their immediate grief experience, they shared something that stuck with me. They talked about how their father always told them to imagine when he passed, that he was just in the next room.
That resonated with me and struck a chord of faith within me.
This is where personal faith comes in.
Personally, I am finding joy in the faith that I will see my loved ones again. That they are not entirely gone, but merely in another room at the moment.
Perhaps, that’s where the highest joy comes in grieving that I’m learning for myself. The joy is knowing there will be a beautiful reunion with my loved ones one day.
Lesson #2: Compassion, Compassion, Compassion
I’ve grown (and continue to grow) in ways that I didn’t even think possible since this family member’s passing.
It’s been a fear of mine to lose this family member. I didn’t know how I could carry on without them in life. How I could ever feel again if I were to lose this special family member.
And yet, I am.
I’ve faced a true fear of mine, and while I wish so deeply that it would have happened years later, I am still here.
This grieving process has made me see resilience in not only myself and family members,but also humanity as a whole.
Losing someone is an incredibly hard thing. And it’s something universally experienced.
Yet, we are still here. We still seek out good, feel joy, and embrace living. How resilient we are.
Lesson #3: Being Here Now
This grief journey has made me realize and continue to learn the magic of living.
I know that sounds counter to grief, but it truly has. It has allowed me to seek out how to enjoy the life we are living now before we enter the next stage of passing one day.
I’m trying to make more of an effort to feel the wonder of experiencing sunrises, sunsets, nature, water, friendship, and lean into every single moment of joy that I can.
At the end of the day, we will all succumb to death. And while we don’t know what ultimately looks like, it makes it so important to lean into (a la Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now) finding joy in the right Now. Because THAT is all we have at all times.
Reflections:
While I wish I could sit here and write about how, “Well, at least I won’t ever have to walk this grief journey again”, the truth is (until we can hack biology), I will.
Death will continue to have an impact on my life...for the rest of my life.
And while that is a thought that terrifies me in many ways, it’s also a reminder.
To soak up every last moment of this life that I can.
I’m going to make more of an effort to tell people I love them. That I care about them. To have more get-togethers for fun. To really let people know—I am so thankful they are part of this life journey with me.
Grief is a hard emotion—we often spend a lot of time in our lives trying to run away from it…but we can’t.
However, maybe we can reframe grief a bit, to include that, in it, there are some lessons of joy to be learned as well. And maybe that will serve as our compass as we navigate.
What lessons has grief taught you?
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